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Cheater (Kirk/McCoy NC-17)

  • Jul. 7th, 2011 at 4:35 PM
emiliglia: (kirk/mccoy-4)
See? I still write fic! Once I get to post my [livejournal.com profile] au_bigbang, y'all will get to see what I've been engrossed in the last few months. I dream about the damn thing.

But in the meantime...

Title: Cheater
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Word Count: 710
Summary: Comment porn for [livejournal.com profile] jim_and_bones - Bones unfairly wins a prank war.

+++

It started when Jim had "accidentally" finished off the good bourbon in Bones' flask and refilled it with the cheap stuff, knowing Bones would notice but hoping it would be later rather than sooner.

Bones, instead of yelling, retaliates by putting itching powder in Jim's socks.

Jim is pleasantly surprised (or at least as pleasant as he can be with itchy feet), and it is so on. He sets Bones' comm to play pornographic moaning whenever Starfleet Medical calls about an emergency (which is the only number Bones leaves the volume on for, and Jim wishes he could've been there when it rang in class).

And when Jim's alarm gets off-set by twelves hours so he sleeps through his first class on Thursday, he knows exactly who to blame, but if you ask him about Bones' underwear not being sorted out of his cadet reds and specifying a nice and warm wash cycle, well, Jim knows nothing about that, honest.

It's been a few days since, and Jim's getting nervous. There's no way Bones hasn't noticed that half of his underwear is now pink, and Jim doesn't think he would've given up. The only option left, then, is that he's planning something, and while not the strategic genius that Jim is, Bones has a sense of humor that borders on sadistic, at least where Jim's involved.

Uhura actually speaks to him on her own freewill during their Conversational Andorian, and the whole time Jim's on edge, mentally going over the likelihood of Bones getting her involved versus the odds of her willingly playing along. He doesn't know what to think and they part ways without her launching a swarm of bees from her bag; Jim's convinced himself bees have to be involved as they're the only thing Bones knows of that Jim runs away screaming from.

(Hey, you'd run away screaming, too, if you swelled up like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from one little sting.)

Jim heads back to the dorm, taking the stairs and checking the door for any tripwires or prone buckets of water, when Bones walks out of the sleeping area.

Did Jim mention that he's wearing nothing but his underwear?

Because he is, and it looks like the warm wash cycle might have shrunk them a little, too, in addition to staining them pink, and Jim's getting a first-hand education on how nicely the color accentuates all the tan skin currently on display.

Bones might as well be fully-dressed for how comfortable he seems about it, futzing around like his dick isn't all but on display because of a few millimeters of cotton. Jim's eyes aren't the only part of him appreciating Bones like this, and he's trying to think of a way he can adjust himself without drawing Bones' attention when Bones' eyes lock with his.

"Oh," he says, all syrupy Southern drawl. "Didn't know you were home."

That filthy, rotten liar.

"Just got in," Jim responds, trying to sound nonchalant. Bones is fucking stalking closer, there's really no other way to describe it, until he's standing directly in front of Jim, pointedly staring at Jim's mouth. "Guess I should go do some homework." He moves to get around Bones, but there's a hand on his chest, backing him into the turn in the kitchenette's counter.

"Is that what you call it?" Bones asks, indicating Jim's not-very-subtle cock with a sly grin that does things to Jim. "Say uncle and I'll suck you off right here."

"You're such a cheater," Jim chokes out, because it is really unfair. Bones shouldn't be allowed to know how sexy he is.

Bones presses forward, his body flush against Jim's, his lips on Jim's neck. "Say it."

Jim thinks he might've actually said "unnnnnngh" as after the first syllable Bones grinds against his cock, overriding any hurt sense of pride over losing the prank war while simultaneously ridding Jim of conscious thought beyond hoping he can get a better view of the pink underwear stretched across Bones' ass.

In retrospect, messing with Bones' laundry had been unintentional self-sabotage, but really, Jim sure doesn't feel like he's lost when he's sitting naked on the counter, Bones' hands holding Jim's knees apart as he sucks Jim's cock into his mouth.

Comments

[identity profile] pomme-noir.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 7th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
I had a friend who had a ringtone for another friend that was porngraphic moaning. It was interesting to see it go off in a mall.

JIm may have lost, but I feel likeI won.
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 09:59 pm (UTC)
It would be an awesome ringtone in certain company.

I think everyone has won, really. :P Thanks for reading!
siluria: (Men_Karl_mine)
[personal profile] siluria wrote:
Jul. 7th, 2011 10:16 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah, definitely a win-win situation there!!!!!! Well, for me anyway ;)
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 09:59 pm (UTC)
I don't exactly hear Jim complaining, either. ;) Thanks, bb!
[identity profile] joirerson.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 7th, 2011 10:53 pm (UTC)
Hee, this was amazingly delightful!!!
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 10:00 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
ext_409703: (Screw Subtext)
[identity profile] caitri.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 7th, 2011 11:30 pm (UTC)
*chinhands* Best. Prank war. Ever.

*sits up grumpily* How come I never have prank wars like that?!!!!
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 10:00 pm (UTC)
Thank you, bb!

...

And if you had prank wars that ended in hot gay sex, you'd share with us, right?
ext_409703: (obvious flirting is obvious)
[identity profile] caitri.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 12th, 2011 04:05 am (UTC)
Fuckin' A!
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 15th, 2011 09:01 pm (UTC)
XD
[identity profile] emmagrant01.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 8th, 2011 01:58 am (UTC)
Pornographic moaning ringtone FTW! Love it!
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 10:01 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
[identity profile] savoytruffle.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 8th, 2011 06:51 am (UTC)
Sounds like a win-win prank war to me! Very hot.
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 10:01 pm (UTC)
There's no real loser, here. :P Thank you!
ext_27323: (Jim's Warning Label)
[identity profile] fritz42.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 8th, 2011 11:17 am (UTC)
OMG! This was hilarious. With Jim you expect something like this, but I love how it is Bones who actually turns it into a prank war. I love how you brought out the devious playful side of Bones' personality. Or maybe I should say that I love how Jim brought it out.

Each one of their "volleys" fit in perfectly with their personalities - Jim with his pornographic moaning ringtone and Bones with his itching powder.

But, leave it to Bones to know exactly how to get Jim to say "unnnnnngh."

"T"
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 10:02 pm (UTC)
Memory Alpha said on TOS Bones' page that it's known that he and his friends would prank each other in med school, and I just kinda rolled with it. :P

I wouldn't get into a prank war with someone who knows your allergies, though. Just sayin'.

Thank you so much!
[identity profile] gottalovev.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 8th, 2011 12:59 pm (UTC)
that was great, funny and hot there at the end. what a great read to start my day!
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 10:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you, bb! ♥
ext_375859: (Kirk Smile Shuttle)
[identity profile] izzyfics.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 8th, 2011 01:51 pm (UTC)
Fun and hot! I love all their creative pranks.
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 10:03 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
ext_230999: (Halloween)
[identity profile] kimuracarter.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 9th, 2011 02:57 am (UTC)
LOL. I love the bit with the bees. I run screaming from them, heh.
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 10:04 pm (UTC)
The mental image of Jim running away screaming from bees just kinda cracked me up. Like - Romulans? Fine. Klingons? He can deal. But not bees!

Thank you!
[identity profile] umbrellas-can.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 9th, 2011 02:27 pm (UTC)
This is the best kind of losing ever! :DDD
[identity profile] emiliglia.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2011 10:04 pm (UTC)
There really shouldn't be any complaints on Jim's end. :P Thank you!